Oh nooooo!!!!
I'm suffering a crisis (lil one, no worries)

(watch out, it's a selfish bloggie, like meself talking to a mirror)

I'm not happy with my published work.

(nope, I don't write this bloggie to be reassured :P)

I had to introduce my work to a few people today... and while doing it, I felt simply unsatisfied with what I did.
First it's not the kind of work I feel good at. Too simple... too down to earth maybe?

Arggg, I don't know.

I'm not happy with it. And I must say it's like that with a loooot of my work. But not all. Some paintings (very few) are really fine to me.

SO
Do I suffer a lack of confidence?
Am I too hard and negative with meself?
Am I doomed and forced to feel eternally unsatisfied?

or... am I simply very realistic?

Gawd, I'd bet on the fourth one here!

Martin says when I feel this way with my work, I do real progress because I expect a lot, too much from it.
Shiterooooo, I hope he is right... but it's a kind of painful way to work and improve!!!

Death Penalty back in Iraq (somehow I had nebber thought it was on holidays or something !!!!)

SIGH

LOL, Thank you Jacques for making our Franco-American relationship easier :P
What are these fookin arrogant Frawnch doing again, I wonder! hehe

Chirac slams U.S. policy again
Tuesday, June 29, 2004 Posted: 1340 GMT (2140 HKT)

France's Chirac: Second clash with Bush in two days

RELATED
• Bush in rebuff to Chirac
• Chirac chides Bush over Turkey

ISTANBUL, Turkey (Reuters) -- French President Jacques Chirac, clashing with U.S. foreign policy for a second day, says the isolation of Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat would hinder Middle East peacemaking

(from CNN.COM)

I know war can't stick to any code of honour at the end. Because war brings the worst in you, strangling the human part to set free the beast.

Anyway, I'm literary sick of hearing about all these hostages being tortured and killed. Nobody can say they "should not have been there", because nothing can excuse these barbarian acts.

Yet, Bush is absolutely responsible for not protecting his soldiers, easy targets there. They should hurry back at country home.

I was talking of that with my in-laws the other day. That being my *love* for cigarettes.
It's been hmm 4 years now that I've stopped and I won't start again but I can feel my very present addiction to it. It's a bit scary, even if I do resist easily.

Yet, when someone smokes the cigarettes I used to smoke, I really enjoy the smell of it.... !
Same with the smoke of pipes, joints... not cigars though!

...which is not logical because usually people who stop smoking can't stand smoke anymore!
SIGH. Why *guuuud* stuff are never that goooood for oneself!

Last week, Lola's tried many new experiences (hurray for omas and opas!)
And in the list of the "very first times", Lola's tried horse-riding!!!
She seemed to love it, not being affraid at all, and pressing her legs the right way to prevent falling on the sides!

My baby's a rider! Waaaaaa **~~*^* *

**~~*^* *dancing around....finally!!!!!**~~*^* * *

I've just finished Star Makers, a painting that I quite like and which required much time again (for the sky, to get the blue I wanted, and for the boat, the wooden part)! Glad it's done! :P

"Hey BeauDy, how are ya doing?
Wawww, great you could bring the scan!
So ok, I call ya back in a couple of days, is that ok for ya, BeauDy?"

hehe, my new dentist is really someone kinda *special*!
I don't know yet if she's a butcher or not... if she smokes anything special or not, but she's supa kewl!
A lil woman, about hmm 50, 55 years-old, probably single, very familiar and communicative. Dat's a good beginning me thinks.

To my "life can be really BeauDiful" list, I gotta add... my in-laws!
They've taken so much care of Lola since they've arrived, that I've managed to work about 6 hours/day !!!
Not that I luuuve spending my time working, but I'm always running after time. And they just offer me what I *need*!
(happy sigh)

... without adding that Lola's having the time of her life, playing hours outside, making her first ride on a poney, etc!

Argggg, I wanna jump into time, to go back to wednesday. Just to feel that pleasure growing again while enjoying the metal guys.

We arrived early in the afternoon actually, to have time to sit down on terrasses for a beer, or two, or three!
The stadium is in the most posh district of Paris and I can't tell you how funny it was to see the long-haired guys with ugly t-shirt everywhere there. From an old-lady-with-poodle's point of view, it must have been kinda scary maybe. But these guys are most of the time lambs :)

There's no way, or hardly any, to share pleasure when it comes to music, even less for a concert.
After the talentless (my point of view) clowns played (Slipknot), we heard the good, bad and ugly's Ecstasy for Gold which announced (as usual) the arrival of Metallica. They played for more than 2h30!
We had no rain, the moon, smiling, even came to stick just above the scene!

The 4 horsemen played fookin well, and asked a lot for people to participate... no in a "we make our show" way... rather like an exchange of energy (lol I know music fans speak in a strange way ;-):
"we (the band) gonna give our best, and so you (the audience) will".
Gawd, that was good.

They finished the concert asking what we wanted them to play. They were much giving.

I wanna see them again!!!!
Why anything that feels really good never last enough, huh? yeah, why oh whyyyyyyy?!!!
hehe
I've jumped higher and screamed more loudly than the 15 years-old teens next to me, and I feel ready for another furious session! If being 30 feels like that, it gonna be RILLY something!! hehe... RoaRRRRRRRR!!!!

(and here are some pics of the concert, found on The Whipping Dancerz's forum)



Parc des Princes stadium, with people starting to enter


much later, Metallica in action


Focus on James Hetfield...wooohoooooo


and more, just for my pleasure


Metallica's final


Oh, and the setlist was rilly kewl:

Blackened
Fuel
Sad But True
Fade To Black
Frantic
Holier Than Thou
I Disappear
Wherever I May Roam
St. Anger
Creeping Death
Battery
------
No Leaf Clover
Nothing Else Matters
Master of Puppets
One
Enter Sandman
-----
Dyers Eve
Seek And Destroy

Okies, now you're all safe, Metallica won't be back before a few years... no more bloggies about it for a while ;-)

Metallica's chats, Metallica's forums, concert's playing list, fans gatherings... lol...24 hours I'm into it. My supa customized t-shirt is done (thank ya Martin for your help!)... We're ready for the concert.
I do not wonder what it feels to be 15 again, cause I'm 15 today!!!!

Weeeeeeeeeeeee
I mean ..
RoaRRRRRRR!

My niece (5 years-old) asked me today if she could get a magic wand and a owl for 9th birthday when she'll join Hogwart's school... How could I refuse!!! hehe

Mosaics! That's the new thingie I wanna try with my lil hands!
Martin's got a great book on them for Father's day (Lola's been well inspired :P)

We want to put some mosaics inside the hobbit's house and in the garden. I feel it will be another way to add a personnal touch to the house.
And I simply find it really beauDiful!
Any advice about the technic is more than welcome of course :)))

Summertime,
And the livin' is easy
Fish are jumpin'
And the cotton is high...
...laalalalaaa

Cuddling my monoï bottle while thinking about sand, heat, sun, sea, holidays, more freckles, more stars in the night, more blues in the sky, more red fruits in my basket and planteur cocktails to celebrate all that ;-)

**~~*^* *


the masque of the four seasons -W.Crane-

I would need another weekend to recover from this one! :P
We've been as busy as I thought we would, but it was really kewl. Lola's had the time of her life with her lil goilettes friends on Saturday, then with her Oma and Opa on Sunday :-) **~~*^* * *



Talking of Oma and Opa... they're here the full week and they wanna take care of Lola so that I can have more time to work! Isn't life wonderful!!!!
(jumping around)

Today's gonna be busy, and I love it!

Much work to do between happy times.
I absobloodilutely gotta work on my new tale (I've talked of it to *my* publishing house and I really wanna show it to them. But I have about 30 pages of illustrations to do before! argggg!)

We're also off for a picnic with friends later. It gonna be kinda rainy I fear, but that won't stop us :P

And later Martin's parents arrive from Hamburg to spend a week with the three of us. Busy busy times, but happy ones **~~*^* *

Men being beheaded, women being stoned to death, children being used like animals... are you sure all this happen on *our* planet?

I am surrounded by such comfort, such sweetness of life that I find it very hard to accept my world is also this world of violence and death.
It's just too much for my lil heart, it makes me sea-sick.

I don't know anything that can heal this painful feeling we all get inside in front of all this, being most of the time really helpless.

Is the only way to be happy is to behave like the three lil monkeys?



I think we have no choice most of the time.
But I also think that "living with the fact that all this happens" does not mean we gotta accept it.

Today should be the big day for our book. It should be available in stores.
We hope this time we won't be told to wait another couples of weeks!

I send my special agent anyway (Martin 007 aka *Goldmember* LOL ... sowwwy, we've the dvd, couldn't resist) to check about it.

And tonight, I might be holding my book and celebrate it... OR... get frustrated with patience again!
grrmmmpphhhhh

Oh! Oooohhhh!!! (hehe)
Our book is now also available on Amazon.fr (only the French Amazon).

It just feels wonderful again to see one's own book there!
(happy sigh)

The French Post has selected the 100 drawings that could become the next new French stamp. Mine is not among them... boooooo ooooooooooooo!

Next time will be my turn :P
RoaRRRRRRRR

Joe has just left for his third chemotherapy session. SIGH.
Then another one in 3 weeks, and that will be all.
After all that, he'll come with us for well deserved holidays :-)

What could make a woman feel like a moon looking for its orbit?
//oO\The desire of another shrimp or shrimpette of course!

hehe
(Looking at my belly who will turn in the next months, I hope, into some fertile nest :-)))

I should not talk of that already, because I tend to be pretty supersticious.
But I know what I want, why not sharing that in this intimate place? :-)

My last pill should be for the 13th of August (talk of supersition!!!!).
Then, hasta la vista baby, que sera sera, porque te vas, vamos a la playa e gimme las tapas, hombre!!! hehe :P

Are we ready for shorter nights??? (Martin is! Since ages! hehe)
I am not, but how can you ever be ready for such big changes... starting in your own body?

;-)

Yesterday we had started a purrrfect evening... a *monoï evening*...
Hot bath for each of us, time to take care of ourselves while the other was playing with Lola... etc.

Then we went on with some good wine and had planned for a very relaxing evening.
BUT.
Lola had decided something else.

She's cried for 1 hour after we put her in bed. It's been 2 days she does that (as soon as we leave her bedroom). And she started again in the middle of the night.
SIGH

When your baby cries like that for hours, you just can't relax.
I cross fingers so that tonight is different!

How many more kids do I want again? ;-)

7 days now before we spend a full afternoon under the sun (I hope!), getting sore feet and painful back but... all that for a good Metal reason :P

Last time I went to le Parc des Prince stadium (which is just near), it was to attend... (don't laugh!)... Prince's concert. Back in the 1990s. I WAS INVITED (I mean I did not pay for it! hehe... shrugging). This concert was naturally une vraie merde (really).

Since then I've deserted this stadium which I thought was doomed
;-)

But today, or rather in a week, it will be another story :P

For those who haven't got Martin's blog in their RSS wires, it has just been updated.

New pictures of the house, the new roof, the new windows and a few other details.
When I see we've got the keys of the house back in December only and that so many works have already been done, I'm really happy.
Now you can't imagine (actually I think you can! LOL... the photos show enough ;-) how much work has to be done before we can live in it.

Our plan is to make electricity and plumbing soon. Then we make the bathroom + a lil temporary "camping" bedroom for the three of us, so that we can go there, and sleep there to be faster with the works.

(yawning at the thought of so much to do)
:P

3 days in Bretagne and we're addicted again!
When I see how much time Lola spent outside playing, talking with Julia the sheep or the cows around (no offense to any neighbours there! :P), enjoying the beach... I really believe country side is way beDer.. for kids too :)

We've discovered the works on the house... the new roof is purrfect and the new windows are fantastic (though Martin has noticed inside one or 2 thingies for the mason to improve. Men always *see* this kind of things, no? lol).
I let Martin add all the pics of the *new* hobbit house on his blog (he'll do it today probably), I'll just show here you a view from 2 of the new roof windows we get.
It will be the view from the children's bedroom :-)))

First lil accident with the car!
Arrrrggggg!

Not really an accident though... I just drove a bit too much on the right and one of the wheels touched the pavement... which made the plastic thingie on it fly in the air.

It's ok, I've recovered since then ;-)
hehe

On last Thursday, Lola and I went to visit a crèche... full of activities, just near the flat, etc. The purrrfect plan for me.
But it's private... so it's expensive!

I've signed (and had to pay in advance...grmmppphhh) for half a day per week, and for 4 months.
I can't afford for more... 23 euros for Lola to spend all her thursday mornings with other lil devils discovering new activities! :)

I really think she has to learn just a lil bit that Life is not a nightmare when I'm not around (lol!), and that when I leave for a couple of hours, I'm always back.
That won't give me much time to do stuff I can't do with Lola around, so I really do it more for Lola than I.

I know you'll find that stoopid but, I feel a bit nervous thinking of letting Lola *somewhere*, even for a couple of hours.
I also have to learn to do it ;-)

OK! (crossing bits here)
Martin gonna see today if he can have his Friday off!
-(that was finally a good idea, Esox :P)
-(Jack, no, we don't have holidays all the time! Well, I know it looks "as if" though ;-)

I'm so lucky to be my own boss! I'm much more flexible... and ready for long weekends in Bretagne! I know I don't make money though (NOT YET!)... hehe, that's my lil probbie!
ha well (grabbing my sunglasses and monoï)

OUCH!
Lola's just pointing towards her Papa's glass telling in a purrrfect German: "BIER"!!!

(thank gawd next word she'll learn won't be FUSSBALL! NOPE! phewwwwww :P)

Yesterday, I was just walking with Lola in front of the city hall, watching all the posters of the different parties (we have elections soon here)...
... when suddenly, I surprise meself screaming!
"Oh shiterroo, there's Madeleine on the poster here!"
Madeleine, my step-mother (who's involved in a political movement), had told me about photos the other day. But I had not realized she'd be on posters at the corner of the street!
hehe

What's amazing is... not knowing she had got involved in this movement, I would have voted for it anyway. That's kewl at the end!
hehe

Have you heard about this movie: Super Size Me?
The topic: a man eating McDonalds' stuff only for 30 days, to finally prove eating this way deteriorate one's health.
Hm.
Cough.
What about eating chocolate only for 30 days? or butter only?

LOL (shakin head)

I've not checked on English sites, but here they sell the last LOTR (available in a week) as edition prestige. Which means to me, stoopid consumer, that it's much more than a simple DVD.
like... LONGER version!
But nenene, that only means you get 2 DVDs instead of one. But with nothing more than you could find on one. Ya see?

I find this really grrrmmppphhh ....! With their pompous "Edition prestige".. they really wanna fool everybody!

I've just read on Penny's blog that today is a very special day: Venus is going to be in transit between Earth and the Sun, something that happens every 120 years only. Here, you'll find what all this means.

*~~*^* *

A few weeks again, and summer's here!

Well, actually summer is already here! We've had about 30°c yesterday and it should be like that for a few days again.

The first really warm days are the most pleasant I think. It's the moment when you definatly kick the cold days' ass and open yourself to a new season.

I luuuuve the beginning of Summer for that. Your body calls for warmth and light, and early Summer is here to offer you these first sensations. Just like a starter.

And to me, the first warm days are also the signal for one of the *Sun's rituals* to start.
The Monoï ritual! ;-)

Don't you love it, after a hot sunny day or after a long bath, to use monoi oil?
Its sensuous perfume always reminds me clearly of the sun, the sea and salacious naps! :P

"Monoi" means "perfumed oil", and (grabbing my lil bottle) is made from tiare flowers which have macerated in coconuts oil. It can only be guuuuuud, huh!
I don't know much about monoï qualities, but the skin loves it! ... another good reason to enjoy it **~~*^* *

Our new roof is done, our new roof is done!
(doing confidently the rain dances)
Next weekend we run to Bretagne to check about it. One new roof with 4 windows (the man who made it said we'd have a view from there that was close to heaven! hehe!!! wooooooooooooooo)

Yesterday, we've watched Finding Nemo, which was really good and entertaining (I just expected a cute story of a lil lost fish. It was much better and rilly rilly fun!).
When we started whatching it though... we started at the same time giving Lola her diner. SALMON....
eeeeck!
We felt somehow really RILLY baaaad!
LOL

Here's the shrimpette on mamas' day, who arrived behind the door, knocking and calling "ma maman ma maman ma maman ma maman!!!"
And she came to me very proudly with her adorable bunch of sweet peas (we're going to plant lots of these ones in september!) and leaves from raspberry bush!
The perfume of it was exquisite!
Gawd, isn't it fooking great to be a mama! :P **~~*^* *^^* *

Happy Mama's Day!!! (we celebrate it today in France)
I wanna wish it to all women who get the maternal instict in them, not only to those who have kids.

Okies, I'm on my way for xtra cuddles from Lola ;-)

D-Day... How could I not talk of it today?
So many sacrifices to defend Freedom.

I've spent about 15 years in Normandy... and when we played as children on top of the cliffs or in the blockhaus, with extended view toward the sea... I wondered how frightening this could have been from the sea point of view. From the soldiers who arrived by boat (though the biggest part arrived on sand beaches).
This feeling I gotta say always makes me a bit sea-sick.

Here's a pic of the left cliff of my childhood. There are about 4 blockheaus there, but not visible on the photo.
The house is called "la cabournette". Many evenings in front of the sunset there, with parents playing guitar, we kids playing around. A *free* Normandy means also that for me. :)

Another example of the Love and Hate feeling I get for Paris...

(showing left fist): HATE
We spent more time in the traffic jam today than we do when travelling for Bretagne! And worse, male-ish hormones were on top: so many agressive drivers!
We've been caught in the middle of the demonstration (12 000 or 25 000 people around make no difference to me when all the roads are closed!). Thank Gawd, Lola's been sleeping most of the time..

(showing right fist): LOVE
First we spent more time than expected with Esox and his lil princess (who was really sweet with Lola).
And I don't say that because you, Esox, read this blog...:P... but we always have a fookin good time when we're all together!
Second, while blocked in the traffic-jam, Martin and I dreamt about a sweet cold martini. When we got back home, it was late, I mean for shopping. But hey, you're in the capital, if you wanna Martini, you just find Martini... whenever :P

(back to my lil glass of blessed beverage ;-) **~~*^* *

We've just watched the Castle in the Sky by Myasaki. It's been a long time we've rent a movie that was really good!



A movie we've wanted to watch for ages!
It was good, as good as "Princess Mononoke"...though my favourite one is still "Spirited Away".
I'm always surprised about how cartoons can be different from any other visual art. The imagination required is crazy me thinks. It's like you gotta be Gawd for a minute and create a whole universe.
In a cartoon, the message is as much important as the visual part. One could easily betray the other.

And there are more and more excellent cartoons (have you seen the "Triplets of Belleville" by the way? ...I did not like it at all. The drawings, the colours, the story, nenene! :P).

I wanna see them all!
(next one on my list "The Frogs' prophecy")

Fewww... after 5 days, Lola's fever start to go down!
I wouldn't have worried if it had been for a couple of days.
But beyond 39°c and for 4 days...

We made other tests yesterday. Thorax radio at a clinic near, blood analizes (Gawd, I hated that, we were three holding Lola!) somewhere else, etc.
Finaly Lola has caught a lil virus. I go back to the doc this morning for a lil treatment.

I feel like having spent my whole week at the doc!
I'm happy to know what Lola's got and that her temperature finaly starts to be ok.

oh! (falling from chair)
One of my painting has been selected by Elfwood's moderators as "picture of the day" (with a few others)!
I would have neber expected that, and again not specially with this painting.

Dat's kewl!
And very motivating to work more. I've to make efforts on colours (that's what I did not like in my last painting... after hours wondering what the lil thingie I did not like in it!)

20 days before we stand in the middle of that:


To enjoy that:


(thank you, you anonymous fan, for the photos :-)

I'm starting to lose much time here and there on the Whipping dancers' site, trying to get infos, news, scoops about what will happen before, during and after Metallica's concert!
hehe
Soon I'll be part of the fanclub I tell you... lol... Just had to wait to be 30 to do such stoopid thingies :P

So far, *we* know we'll get the Lost Prophets and Slipknot as a firt part. (Not really drooling here).
But, (lol I know all that interest nobody but me! hehe)... it's said that we could also get System of a Down...!!!!
Wooooooooooo!!! Last time we saw them, I was 3 months preggie, and it was a great moment.

On the site, I've also discovered a funny band... "Beatallica"... a band (not professional, just a couple of friends having fun) having fun playing a mixture of the Beatles and Metallica! LOL
It's pretty funny, but you gotta like Heavy Metal :P

Full moon tonight**~~~*^* *^^* *
A pity we won't see it, the weather's been pretty bad lately. and cold!

But it should be a fine day to start with a new painting (crossing bits to get the time and inspiration)

We've just finished to watch the long version of the LOTR, the Two Towers.
Gawd we've got the dvd since about a year! It's just that we had to wait religiously for the appropriate moment. And we found it.

Again I've been under the spell of the movie. I've tried to catch the lil mistakes here and there to take distance from purrfection, but that did not work. I'm just speechless in front of Tolkien's imagination and Jackson's talent.
**~~*^* *~~*^*(happy sigh)**~~*^* **^* *

Anyway, I just wanted to tell that the long version is full of lil surprises! Even better than the shorter one...:P

They say for the last of the 3 parts there will be even more to discover. I can't wait I can't wait I can't waiiiiiiiiiit!

I just had to show here one of the 10 worst album covers of all time...



I think there are zillions of covers like that. Too bad new cd covers are less... less... *unique* :P

A couple of days after I started blogging, I got preggie, back in 2002.
And I've just printed 2002 and 2003 blogs... 272 pages of blahblahs!
hehe
I must say that it's not so much the blahblahs that are kewl to me, but all the pics I put in there. Way better than a photos album... because you get the pic, the comment and the muuuuuuuuuuuud! RoaRRRRRRRRR**~~*^* *:))))

On the 6th of June, there should be a few presidents around here for the anniversary of the D-day (6 June 1944, for those who get a bad memory :P)
... And I believe there will be George W. among them.

I "believe" because I've seen all around in the streets calls for a demonstration against Bush's policy organized for his arrival.

I find it normal that people take this opportunity to protest against this policy.

I hope these demonstrations, if they happen, won't be interprated in the wrong way by American people.
It won't be against them and it won't have anything to do with the American support during WW2.
Sometimes we just all mix everything. Cold head, feet on earth, dat's the key ;-)