Oh nooooo!!!!
I'm suffering a crisis (lil one, no worries)

(watch out, it's a selfish bloggie, like meself talking to a mirror)

I'm not happy with my published work.

(nope, I don't write this bloggie to be reassured :P)

I had to introduce my work to a few people today... and while doing it, I felt simply unsatisfied with what I did.
First it's not the kind of work I feel good at. Too simple... too down to earth maybe?

Arggg, I don't know.

I'm not happy with it. And I must say it's like that with a loooot of my work. But not all. Some paintings (very few) are really fine to me.

SO
Do I suffer a lack of confidence?
Am I too hard and negative with meself?
Am I doomed and forced to feel eternally unsatisfied?

or... am I simply very realistic?

Gawd, I'd bet on the fourth one here!

Martin says when I feel this way with my work, I do real progress because I expect a lot, too much from it.
Shiterooooo, I hope he is right... but it's a kind of painful way to work and improve!!!

Death Penalty back in Iraq (somehow I had nebber thought it was on holidays or something !!!!)

SIGH

LOL, Thank you Jacques for making our Franco-American relationship easier :P
What are these fookin arrogant Frawnch doing again, I wonder! hehe

Chirac slams U.S. policy again
Tuesday, June 29, 2004 Posted: 1340 GMT (2140 HKT)

France's Chirac: Second clash with Bush in two days

RELATED
• Bush in rebuff to Chirac
• Chirac chides Bush over Turkey

ISTANBUL, Turkey (Reuters) -- French President Jacques Chirac, clashing with U.S. foreign policy for a second day, says the isolation of Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat would hinder Middle East peacemaking

(from CNN.COM)

I know war can't stick to any code of honour at the end. Because war brings the worst in you, strangling the human part to set free the beast.

Anyway, I'm literary sick of hearing about all these hostages being tortured and killed. Nobody can say they "should not have been there", because nothing can excuse these barbarian acts.

Yet, Bush is absolutely responsible for not protecting his soldiers, easy targets there. They should hurry back at country home.

I was talking of that with my in-laws the other day. That being my *love* for cigarettes.
It's been hmm 4 years now that I've stopped and I won't start again but I can feel my very present addiction to it. It's a bit scary, even if I do resist easily.

Yet, when someone smokes the cigarettes I used to smoke, I really enjoy the smell of it.... !
Same with the smoke of pipes, joints... not cigars though!

...which is not logical because usually people who stop smoking can't stand smoke anymore!
SIGH. Why *guuuud* stuff are never that goooood for oneself!

Last week, Lola's tried many new experiences (hurray for omas and opas!)
And in the list of the "very first times", Lola's tried horse-riding!!!
She seemed to love it, not being affraid at all, and pressing her legs the right way to prevent falling on the sides!

My baby's a rider! Waaaaaa **~~*^* *

**~~*^* *dancing around....finally!!!!!**~~*^* * *

I've just finished Star Makers, a painting that I quite like and which required much time again (for the sky, to get the blue I wanted, and for the boat, the wooden part)! Glad it's done! :P

"Hey BeauDy, how are ya doing?
Wawww, great you could bring the scan!
So ok, I call ya back in a couple of days, is that ok for ya, BeauDy?"

hehe, my new dentist is really someone kinda *special*!
I don't know yet if she's a butcher or not... if she smokes anything special or not, but she's supa kewl!
A lil woman, about hmm 50, 55 years-old, probably single, very familiar and communicative. Dat's a good beginning me thinks.

To my "life can be really BeauDiful" list, I gotta add... my in-laws!
They've taken so much care of Lola since they've arrived, that I've managed to work about 6 hours/day !!!
Not that I luuuve spending my time working, but I'm always running after time. And they just offer me what I *need*!
(happy sigh)

... without adding that Lola's having the time of her life, playing hours outside, making her first ride on a poney, etc!

Argggg, I wanna jump into time, to go back to wednesday. Just to feel that pleasure growing again while enjoying the metal guys.

We arrived early in the afternoon actually, to have time to sit down on terrasses for a beer, or two, or three!
The stadium is in the most posh district of Paris and I can't tell you how funny it was to see the long-haired guys with ugly t-shirt everywhere there. From an old-lady-with-poodle's point of view, it must have been kinda scary maybe. But these guys are most of the time lambs :)

There's no way, or hardly any, to share pleasure when it comes to music, even less for a concert.
After the talentless (my point of view) clowns played (Slipknot), we heard the good, bad and ugly's Ecstasy for Gold which announced (as usual) the arrival of Metallica. They played for more than 2h30!
We had no rain, the moon, smiling, even came to stick just above the scene!

The 4 horsemen played fookin well, and asked a lot for people to participate... no in a "we make our show" way... rather like an exchange of energy (lol I know music fans speak in a strange way ;-):
"we (the band) gonna give our best, and so you (the audience) will".
Gawd, that was good.

They finished the concert asking what we wanted them to play. They were much giving.

I wanna see them again!!!!
Why anything that feels really good never last enough, huh? yeah, why oh whyyyyyyy?!!!
hehe
I've jumped higher and screamed more loudly than the 15 years-old teens next to me, and I feel ready for another furious session! If being 30 feels like that, it gonna be RILLY something!! hehe... RoaRRRRRRRR!!!!

(and here are some pics of the concert, found on The Whipping Dancerz's forum)



Parc des Princes stadium, with people starting to enter


much later, Metallica in action


Focus on James Hetfield...wooohoooooo


and more, just for my pleasure


Metallica's final


Oh, and the setlist was rilly kewl:

Blackened
Fuel
Sad But True
Fade To Black
Frantic
Holier Than Thou
I Disappear
Wherever I May Roam
St. Anger
Creeping Death
Battery
------
No Leaf Clover
Nothing Else Matters
Master of Puppets
One
Enter Sandman
-----
Dyers Eve
Seek And Destroy

Okies, now you're all safe, Metallica won't be back before a few years... no more bloggies about it for a while ;-)

Metallica's chats, Metallica's forums, concert's playing list, fans gatherings... lol...24 hours I'm into it. My supa customized t-shirt is done (thank ya Martin for your help!)... We're ready for the concert.
I do not wonder what it feels to be 15 again, cause I'm 15 today!!!!

Weeeeeeeeeeeee
I mean ..
RoaRRRRRRR!

My niece (5 years-old) asked me today if she could get a magic wand and a owl for 9th birthday when she'll join Hogwart's school... How could I refuse!!! hehe

Mosaics! That's the new thingie I wanna try with my lil hands!
Martin's got a great book on them for Father's day (Lola's been well inspired :P)

We want to put some mosaics inside the hobbit's house and in the garden. I feel it will be another way to add a personnal touch to the house.
And I simply find it really beauDiful!
Any advice about the technic is more than welcome of course :)))

Summertime,
And the livin' is easy
Fish are jumpin'
And the cotton is high...
...laalalalaaa

Cuddling my monoï bottle while thinking about sand, heat, sun, sea, holidays, more freckles, more stars in the night, more blues in the sky, more red fruits in my basket and planteur cocktails to celebrate all that ;-)

**~~*^* *


the masque of the four seasons -W.Crane-

I would need another weekend to recover from this one! :P
We've been as busy as I thought we would, but it was really kewl. Lola's had the time of her life with her lil goilettes friends on Saturday, then with her Oma and Opa on Sunday :-) **~~*^* * *



Talking of Oma and Opa... they're here the full week and they wanna take care of Lola so that I can have more time to work! Isn't life wonderful!!!!
(jumping around)

Today's gonna be busy, and I love it!

Much work to do between happy times.
I absobloodilutely gotta work on my new tale (I've talked of it to *my* publishing house and I really wanna show it to them. But I have about 30 pages of illustrations to do before! argggg!)

We're also off for a picnic with friends later. It gonna be kinda rainy I fear, but that won't stop us :P

And later Martin's parents arrive from Hamburg to spend a week with the three of us. Busy busy times, but happy ones **~~*^* *

Men being beheaded, women being stoned to death, children being used like animals... are you sure all this happen on *our* planet?

I am surrounded by such comfort, such sweetness of life that I find it very hard to accept my world is also this world of violence and death.
It's just too much for my lil heart, it makes me sea-sick.

I don't know anything that can heal this painful feeling we all get inside in front of all this, being most of the time really helpless.

Is the only way to be happy is to behave like the three lil monkeys?



I think we have no choice most of the time.
But I also think that "living with the fact that all this happens" does not mean we gotta accept it.

Today should be the big day for our book. It should be available in stores.
We hope this time we won't be told to wait another couples of weeks!

I send my special agent anyway (Martin 007 aka *Goldmember* LOL ... sowwwy, we've the dvd, couldn't resist) to check about it.

And tonight, I might be holding my book and celebrate it... OR... get frustrated with patience again!
grrmmmpphhhhh

Oh! Oooohhhh!!! (hehe)
Our book is now also available on Amazon.fr (only the French Amazon).

It just feels wonderful again to see one's own book there!
(happy sigh)

The French Post has selected the 100 drawings that could become the next new French stamp. Mine is not among them... boooooo ooooooooooooo!

Next time will be my turn :P
RoaRRRRRRRR