One-liners, seriously funny ones ;-)

I've found here and there really good one-liners, i just had to share them!
I found #1 just perfect to start the week, and I really like #4, #9,#11 and #14...


Which one's your favourite?

1.Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it?

2.Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?

3.Borrow money from pessimists- they don't expect it back

4.A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good

5.If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you

6.Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity

7.Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.

8.If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

9.A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip

10.Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?

11.I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants

12.I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

13.Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all of its students.

14.To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research!

15.Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes..